Do You Really Know How To Let Go?

It’s okay if you don’t! A lot of people are in the same boat as you, I know I have been. When I say “let go” I’m referencing that difficult act of not letting something bother you after it has already passed.

We like to think ourselves capable of doing this, moving on from things that are truly insignificant and should only have been a blip of our lives. But in reality it’s not so easy as saying “I’m easy going, I don’t let things bother me.” 

I’m an obsessive person by nature, I grew up an anxious hypochondriac that worried about almost everything. So “letting go” wasn’t really in my repertoire. I would hold onto things like a dog with a bone. Even when it comes to social interactions! I would think to myself “Oh god did that conversation go as awkwardly as I thought? It was so bad they must think I’m stupid now.” But in reality…that person probably hasn’t thought about me since our interaction.

Why do we do this? We let things that have already happened continue to upset us past the point a reaction was required. There have been mornings where someone cut me off on my way to work and it’s all I think about for the next two hours. 

WHY?

It’s already happened, I didn’t get hit or injured, so why don’t I just let it go?

Letting go of the insignificant things that clog our heads is something to be practiced. It’s not going to happen over night, and it’s not going to be easy. In my adult years, I have taken a lot of time to reprogram myself into a person who isn’t so anxious or obsessive. I’m going to share with you some of my personal tips for how I’ve started to learn to let go.

 

Evaluate The Situation: Is This Worth My Time?

The first thing you should think about when it comes to letting go of something is if it’s worth your time? Do you need to be spending as much time on it as you are? 

There are some events that we encounter that deserve more time, like finding out your boyfriend cheated on you. Should you just hear that and let it go? Of COURSE not. You need to process that in your own time, the healthy way. But that awkward time where the server said “enjoy your dinner” and you accidentally replied with “you too”? Nah, that should roll off your back. If you find yourself obsessing for the rest of dinner over that awkward response it’s time to evaluate. 

 

Recalibrate Your Thoughts: How Much Is This Really Impacting Me?

Let’s keep referring to the cheating boyfriend vs. awkward restaurant scenarios. How much is it going to impact you that your boyfriend cheated on you? Like a lot. That was your boyfriend that you trusted and cared about, of course it’s a big disappointment! This scenario deserves mental space because it’s impacting the way you live your life. 

Now the awkward comment to the server at the restaurant? Trust me, they are not going to care or remember about it after they take the first step away from your table. They’ve probably heard that so many times they can’t even count on their hand! I mean I’d be willing to bet they let it go in one ear and out the other at this point, there is so much going through a server’s mind at any given point. They have no time for your small lapse. So you shouldn’t think about it either. 

 

Restart Your Mood: How Was I Feeling Before This?

For the boyfriend situation…you’re not going to go back to how you were feeling before finding out he has been cheating on you for 3 months. That. Makes. Sense.

BUT in the restaurant, before you said that silly comment that made no sense, weren’t you having a good time? Maybe it’s a date (not with that asshole we’ve been talking about, a nice new one), or our with friends, your parents even. Before the food came, you were chatting with your company and getting excited about your food. If you’re anything like me, food is everything. So after that awkward exchange, try not to think about it anymore! If the company you’re with jokes about it then joke with them, have a good time, and DIG IN to that food. Before you know it you won’t be worried about it anymore.

Let’s put all of this into a new light. You had a best friend for a few years that you were really close to. Over time, you’ve seen that your friendship isn’t really what it used to be. Something happens, and you’re finding them hanging out with other people and not reaching out to you. As a result, you stop reaching out to them in return. This is hurtful, and you’re holding on to this friendship that you miss dearly. 

 

At what point do you things like this go?

 

These are harder. It’s not as easy an explanation as the awkward restaurant incident. You valued that friendship, but now it seems that there’s no room for it in your life or you in theirs. You can take this in stride with the situation. Really all this is leading to the last step to learning how to let go.

 

Establish Your Game Plan: What Am I Going To Do About It?

Okay so you’ve taken some inventory of your emotions and the situation at hand. The real question is: what are you going to do about it?

WELL the one route where the situation is more simple (AKA the awkward restaurant encounter), the plan of action is easy. Let it go this time, and let it go quicker in the future. Next time you feel awkward with someone you don’t know and will probably never see again, let it roll right off your back. 

If we’re talking more like the cheating boyfriend scenario, or even the slow loss of a best friend…that’s trickier. 

The most important thing for you to do moving forward is not to just let it go, but to ensure that it doesn’t negatively impact your future interactions. Letting go of the fact that a boyfriend cheated on you (you know, eventually) isn’t a bad thing. It’s a HEALTHY thing, and you can do it on your own time. If you don’t let things like this go, you’ll find yourself with trust issues with the next guy. 

 

Moral of the Story? 

Let go, but in a healthy way. Only you know yourself, and the key to finding the point of which you should or should not let go is self awareness. That’s why taking these steps above are important to filter through the bull shit and the shit that shapes you. Don’t let an awkward interaction or small inconvenience shape you. 

 

There are enough things to worry about, why add to the list?

 

Now I want you to share with me, what are your tips for letting go of the bullshit? Please share! I’m always ready to hear someone’s advice in this scenario. I’m a recovering obsessive person that’s always learning, so anything you have to share is worth the time. Your experiences and advice can help anyone in the group so throw them out there!

 

I hope you got something out of this post, and if you did feel free to share it, subscribe, and join us! We have a good time.